I couldnt find the article but Self's sara Eckel wrote this several years ago... i summarized
Take charge of your happiness
If you want to lead a more joyful, satisfying life, grab a pen, shut out the world and spend some quality time with these five mood-lifting exercises. After all, we are in charge of our own happiness, according to new research in the field. We cant promise that everyone of life’s bumps will cease to annoy you once you’re done, but we bet you’ll walk away with more smokes and self knowledge. You’re about 30 minutes from discovering your happiest self.
Chase your dreams
The happiest people are those who feel charged about what they do, where they live and the people around them. Hicks and associates , a business consulting firm in SF, interviewed more than 300 “happy’” people and found that we don’t need the perfect job/home/mate/fill in the blank to live a life that feels thrilling. What is essential: taking regular breaks from the daily grind to pursue whatever excites us most.
Exercise 1: Put your passions on paper
Time:4 minutes
What you need: pen, paper and timer
What to do: Set the timer for four minutes. Write down everything you love or feel passionate about until time’s up –your dog, cooking with friends, running etc… Let your list pour out without censoring yourself.
How to boost everyday: Tuck the list into your purse and read it daily at a designated time. enjoy one thing from the list during the next 24 hours. If entertaining is your bag, invite a group over for Monday night dinner. Love to travel? Research your next trip. Making time for things you adore is not only nurturing, but it adds meaning to life because it reminds us why its fun to be on this planet.
Put joy first
We all have things we need to be happy, but few of us focus on our so-called priorities. if you say you value family but spend 80 percent of your time at work, you’ll end up feeling dissatisfied. Even if you cant ditch your day job, you can get in sync with whats in your heart. You say honesty above all for instance. Then handling day to day interactions with integrity will reap feelings of well being. Plus when you live by what’s important to you, you’re less vulnerable to shifting circumstances. Remind yourself with what matters from this exercise.
Exercise 2: Define core values.
Time:10 minutes
What you’ll need: pen and paper
What to do : Circle the five qualities you value most
Adventurousness
Artistry
Boldness
Charity
Cheerfulness
Civility
Cleanliness
Compassion
Courage
Creativity
Dependability
Empathy
Faithfulness
Fitness
Flexibility
Health
Helpfulness
Honesty
Humility
Humor
Intelligence
Inventiveness
Kindness
Love
Loyalty
Perceptiveness
Pleasure
Reverence
Simplicity
Thrift
Trustworthiness
Wealth
Wisdom
For each selection, write a sentence describing how you incorporate this value into each day (such as “I’m always on time” for dependability) rank each pick from 1 to 5 according to how well you live by it. ( 1 not be at all and 5 being very much so)
How to boost everyday : Write down small ways you can regularly practice your lowest ranked value. Cherish loyalty? Call your best bud Sunday nights for a touch base chat. Once you reconnect with what you care about, you’ll find more ways to seek out joy.
Show some Appreciation
Love is all you need, though not necessarily the head-over-heels variety. What’s more important is appreciation-the kind of love that’s evoked by the mountaintop view that comes after a tough hike to a peak, or an afternoon spent goofing around with your niece who happens to be the cutest smartest toddler ever. Indeed, you might say that appreciation is the highest form of love. For one thing, it can blossom even when its not fully returned. For another, it’s physiologically impossible to experience feat or anxiety when you’re deep in appreciation mode.
Exercise 3: Create an appreciation diary
Time: 5 minutes
What you need: pen, paper, and a calendar.
What to do: every evening take out your calendar, and write down one positive aspect of your life- your husband’s habit of bringing you OJ in the morning, the swell of pride you feel after finishing a home improvement project. Use the questions below as a guide
Monday: what did you enjoy most about your day
Tuesday: Who enriched your life today? how?
Wednesday: What gave you peace of mind today?
Thursday: How did you help someone today?
Friday: how did you invest in your future this week?
Saturday: when were you at your best this week?
Sunday: What are you looking forward to in the week ahead
How to boost everyday: you your daily noted as a guide to discovering and relishing the smaller joys tht often crop up but rarely get your attention. Slow down and savor them, watch them multiply.
Go with the Flow
There are days when a long bath and an evening with the remote are all you need to feel content. To keep the pleasure rolling beyond the latest episode of trading spaces, however, you also need activities that require effort, skill and concentration, whether its completing a crossword puzzle or riding a bike. You want to look back and say, “ I learned something new. “ That generally requires mental or physical exertion. Ideally, aim to spend at least 20 percent of your leisure time doing things that fully absorb you and get you into a state of mind that flows. The deeper the satisfaction you’ll glean from developing skills and putting effort into whatever you’re doing will lift your spirits more than if you blot everything out with television.
Exercise number 4: Up the quality of your downtime
Time: 10 minutes
What you need: pen and paper
What to do: make a list of the 4 quick and dirty ways you unwind that don’t necessarily leave you feeling satisfied, such as watching reruns of Behind the Music or playing computer solitaire. Next jot down alternatives more likely to get you into an engaged frame of mind. For example:
Instead of watching reality tv
Consider documenting your own reality with a camcorder or weblog, or by sending weekly email updates to friends and family containing goofy, sweet, beautiful photos you have taken
Instead of eating a bag or oreos
Consider heading to the kitchen to develop your own signature cookie recipe or leaning how to make your grandmother’s world famous grasshopper pie
Instead of trolling for new clothes at the mall
Consider hosting a “new to you” clothes swapping party, where you and pals exchange garments that you no longer wear, or simply deconstruct some old t-shirts
Instead of playing a mind numbing video game
Consider a rousing night of poker,- or hearts even go fish- with a group of your closest friends
How to boost everyday: Now that you’ve made a list, starting putting your flow-inducing pursuits into action. Replace at least one monotonous habit per week with something more challenging and you’ll feel not only more relaxed but smarter too.
Pen your own happy ending
You’ve blown a big job interview. Your best friend is dating your ex. Whatever humiliation you’ve experienced, you’re bound to feel bad. Just how bad, however, varies from person to person and can have a big impact on happiness. People who brood about failure are likelier to be depressed six months after the fact than those who let life’s rejections roll off their back. so instead of replaying past flops, amend history. You can actually trick yourself into feeling better by creating newer more positive memories!
Exercise 5: Rewrite history
Time: 10-20 minutes
What you need: pen, paper and a highlighter
What to do: write the story of your worst moment ever ( the one that makes you cringe thinking about it) exactly as it happened. Use a highlighter to mark all the red flags of the narrative- the signals along the way that, with hindsight, you now know meant trouble ahead ( like the snooty receptionist who had no record of your appointment for a job interview). Then outlandishly revise your role without altering anyone else’s. The point is to lighten up and get out of the victim mode. Instead of painfully recalling how the receptionist treated you, fabricate a memory of you morphing into Donald trump and bellowing “You’re Fired!” to the rude woman. we all carry memories in the body that’s why your heart aches when you head a song you danced to with an old love. The good news is your body doesn’t know the difference between the real experience and one you’ve made up
How to boost everyday: once you’ve recast yourself as the person in control, the should, coulds and woulds will melt away, leaving you more self assured. By creating a new story you’ll change your self talk from “ugh I was such a dope!” to “ Hey, I let her have it!” In the end, when it comes to bringing more happiness into your life, taking responsibility for your own feelings is key. Take on that power and it will be yours to keep.
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